chicken of naps

Sep. 18th, 2017 04:19 pm
kyleri: (Default)
[personal profile] kyleri
it is Monday, & we are here

a breath for Monday

what worked?

small steps. small steps. a lot of naps. so much napping.

next time i might...


do fewer things in one day

the hard:


so tired. SO tired. so very, very tired. So tired of being so tired. hey, body, i got shit to DO here.

hanging out with someone i KNOW is a bad idea for me to hang out with. don't, just don't, if i don't have to, don't, & chances are i don't have to.

Tom's wandering off for more days at a time, still, so i'm worried about him pretty often. ugh, tomcats.

the good:

the house is still happening. i'm gonna be vaguely surprised this is working for probably six months after we have the title in hand.

rommmate spent the weekend at a pagan event, thus giving me some badly-needed alone time.

donkey races in Cerrillos, which was pretty much the best thing i'd seen in a month.

finally getting on top of the post-event stuff, which is pretty nice, i hate having stuff half-done & sitting

superpowers & such:

Take a Damn Nap. also, Take a Damn Nap.

the plan:


this week enough stuff is unpacked & refrotzed that i get to make things! i like making things. it's the best part.

rosefox: A man's head with a panel open to show gears, and another man looking inside. (examined head)
[personal profile] rosefox
I don't want to write another huge long entry tonight, because last night's took 90 minutes and then I went to bed super late, but I do want to leave myself some quick notes on a thing. When Kit was off from daycare for a week, I was up and dressed by 11 every morning so I could do childcare. I put on real clothes and left the house every day. I did social things and I did actively fun things (not what I'm coming to think of as enjoyable sloth things, like playing video games or hanging out on Slack). My body and brain were engaged. I felt GREAT. I enjoyed every day and ended the week feeling like I'd been on vacation—like I'd gone on a holiday to New York and done all those things I'm always too busy or tired or whatever to do. And I did it while working (at night) and staying totally on top of my deadlines, even the ones accelerated by the holiday.

So I need to figure out how to do that more. I hoped a week of early rising would reset my body clock but of course I'm right back to going to bed at 5 a.m. (or later—Monday morning I went to bed at half past nine, which is not okay and has set me up for feeling like crap all week) so I will have to work on that part because I think it's pretty essential. Having something fun to get up for really helped, a thing that has been true going back to my childhood; I would be late to school every weekday morning for months but happily get up at dawn on a weekend to go to the Stormville flea market with my mother. Even more crucially, I would care enough to go to bed early—a thing I did during Kit's week off too—so that getting up early didn't wreck me and wreck the event I was looking forward to.

I don't think I can get up before 10 on a regular basis, but if I got up at 10 or 10:30 to be out the door by 11 for a ~12:00 thing someplace, that sounds doable. It just has to be a fun thing. I have an OT appointment at 13:00 and I genuinely enjoy OT in addition to it being kind of vital for my health and well-being, but it's not the exhilarating kind of fun, so going to bed early and getting up early and getting there on time are all challenging.

What are exuberant fun things that could happen around noon? I think I need something where I'm making a commitment to someone else, at least at first; I've tried setting schedules through sheer willpower before and it's never worked out. Lunches with friends? Classes of some kind? (Ideally free or cheap ones.) Swapping language lessons with someone who wants to improve their spoken or written English and help me learn to read kanji or sign ASL? A teaching or tutoring gig? (Maybe the local library needs volunteers in their adult learning center. I've sent them a note.) A crafting meetup? A chorus or other singing group? A walking club? Doing storytime or otherwise helping out at Kit's daycare? It doesn't need to be a big thing or a long thing or a very structured thing. It just has to start at around the right time of day and get me out of the house and engage my body and mind and bring me real joy. Nothing will do that as well as time with Kit, but some approximation should be possible. Suggestions are very welcome, keeping in mind that I used to write the learning section of the nonsense nyc weekly events newsletter and already know about basically every source of free and cheap educational experiences in the city. :)

chicken of monday's right on schedule

Sep. 11th, 2017 03:02 pm
kyleri: (Default)
[personal profile] kyleri
it is Monday, & we are here

a breath (a deep, long breath) for Monday being a proper Monday again.

what worked?

lots of deep breaths. one thing at a time. dealing with event stuff by cleaning my room. (no, this makes sense, cos event stuff comes into my room.) petting cats. eating good food. taking breaks. so many breaks.

next time i might ...


trust to the process. do fewer things at a time. not worry about getting all the post-event stuff done RIGHT NOW. pet the cat.

the hard:

Major Tom, backyard I Am Mighty & Feral & Do Not Need Anything From Stinky Humans Please Scratch My Cheeks More, didn't show up the night we got back from the event. or the next day. or the next. by Friday i had pretty much decided he'd finally gotten unlucky. (he's fine, that bit's later.) a breath for All Things Are Ephemeral Especially Tomcats.

so many Thing. event recovery & unpacking. room's a mess. kitchen's a mess. boxes everywhere waiting to be packed. nowhere to put said boxes when they're packed. *distressed flappyhands* a breath for One Thing At A Time.

upon getting home from the event Monday, we discovered that our catsitter had somehow locked the door to my room from the INSIDE, trapping Raven in there, which she not only denied doing, but in a way that implied we were stupid for not being able to get the door open. (Raven had food & water & litterbox & was not distressed, but.) said violation of my living space caused me to see a red film over the world for the third time in a week. roommate wound up kicking in the door, which is good, cos i woulda kicked it right off the hinges. a breath for Soon We Will Live Somewhere We Are Safe.

the good:

Major Tom showed up Friday & is fine! he'd lost some weight (it's fairly possible our problematic catsitter wasn't feeding him as much as she was supposed to) but is fine. kinda cranky at me for immediately picking him up & holding him too tight but he was stuck with that. a couple days later things with him are back to normal; he's flopped out on the deck as i type. a breath for He Is Just Fine.

a stripey grey tabbycat, with his face buried in a bowl of gooshyfud.

house is proceeding well (slightly to my surprise; i keep expecting things to blow up). a breath for Things Sometimes Work Okay.

the cats are all safe & okay & more-or-less getting along as much as they're likely to. a breath for cats.

event recovery is going steadily if slowly, & my room is becoming my room again.

superpowers i had:


Take A Damn Nap. I Don't Really Need To Do This So Why Am I Stressing Myself. It Will All Get Done Eventually, Chill.

the plan:

unpack, refrotz, make stuff, laundry, pet cats, unpack more stuff, sew things

"That's rather nice, actually"

Sep. 10th, 2017 02:45 am
rosefox: Autumn leaves on a wet sidewalk. (autumn)
[personal profile] rosefox
What a lovely week it's been. What a lovely thing to be able to say that!

The weather has been 100% autumn and I am HERE FOR IT. Today I wore my hoodie! And zipped it up! While it was still light out! I've had my window open for three nights running. So much delicious aaaaaair.

J and I had a real date last Saturday (we went to a friend's BBQ for a bit, which doesn't sound like a date but was amazingly nice to do as two adults with no child in tow), and X and I had a real date today (we went to Coney Island for the first time in ages), and we even got a real family date last weekend where we snuggled up in my bed and watched Pacific Rim and ate popcorn. There have been lots of cuddles and hugs and smooches lately as we all savor finally being healthy. The week Kit was off from daycare was splendidly vacation-like and I came off of it feeling rested and relaxed and happy; now they're adjusting well to being back in daycare, and eating and sleeping like they're being paid for it, which means they should have a big growth spurt pretty soon. I'm having lots of fun writing fanfic for [community profile] crossovering and I just nominated fandoms for [community profile] yuletide for the first time in something like 12 years. J has been cooking a lot, and tonight we axed our towering tottering basil and made pesto, which was easy and delicious; I threw in some macadamia nuts on a whim and didn't bother measuring anything and it worked out great. [twitter.com profile] schanoes came over on Friday and we had lunch and talked nonstop for three hours. I figured out how to comb my hair while it's starting to grow out. The meeting for Kit's IFSP went extremely well and all their PT services have been renewed. They're starting to play with their food sometimes, which is a big improvement on being wary of it. It's just been a nice week.

I have to keep the focus pretty tight to write about things this way, because the land is being destroyed by fire and storm and a great many people we care about are having a really hard time right now. But that makes me cherish our little oasis all the more. We're able to offer other people shelter and support again, after months of barely being able to cope with our own stuff, and it feels so good to be able to help our friends and to have our feet on stable ground. For however long this lasts, I plan to bask in it and store up good memories to get me through the next round of challenges.
kyleri: (Default)
[personal profile] kyleri
it is Wednesday, & we are here

all hail Wednesday & also the principle of All Timing is Right Timing

what worked?

allowing myself to be angry when Stuff happened, & allowing myself to let go of the anger when the Stuff was dealt with

next time i might ...

listen to Wiser Me when Wiser Me tells me that trusting a particular person was a Bad Idea, because holy CATS was Wiser Me right

also, sunscreen

the hard

dealing with someone who thought he knew everything, who listened to nothing, who mansplained, who trod over boundaries again & again & AGAIN with flimsy excuses & thin rationalizations & occasionally outright lying. a breath for This Is Not My Stuff & also Crown On. this person will shortly be out of my life.

having to move my tent (fortunately my sleeping tent, not the entire booth!) due to someone who, from now on, i will call Mr. But I Am A Knight due to his deciding to flip a shitfit over my tent being in a place. a breath for This Is Not My Stuff & also being really glad I don't keep much in my sleeping tent.

enduring one of the worst apologies i've ever sat through, in which Mr. But I Am A Knight misgendered someone in his camp three times, blamed the entire tent-moving situation on him, & flat-out lied about what had happened. a breath for Now I Know Who Not To Trust.

anxiety over where to sleep on the way up, due to my van being down & to us getting on the road late, & also for winding up spending WAY too much on a hotel room when that was the only reasonable option left. A breath for It Will All Be Okay I Swear.

anxiety over making enough money in the booth, exacerbated by everyone waiting til Saturday night to buy much of anything. A breath, again, for Everything Will Be Okay I Swear.

the good

spent zero time over the last week panicking about the house. a breath for distraction?

Medium-Sized Child who was the BEST MINION & had a Very Fun Time & weaponized his cuteness to trade a couple pieces of garb that he didn't really like for: a pouch, a pottery bowl, a hand-turned calligraphy pen, & a drinking horn. plus pried me out of the booth to dive into the lake. he's a good kid. we're keeping this one.

the Barony of Aarquelle who granted my space & helped me move my tent after i came to them with my Tale of Woe. it is also possible that the few people i (very strategically) told my Tale of Woe to told a few other people & thus Mr. But Didn't You Know I'm A Knight miiiiight have lost some status in the kingdom.

...oops.

we wound up making a reasonable amount of money; not as much as i'd hoped, but enough that the event Did Not Suck (a highly technical measurement of income vs. expenses).

also we know several things to fix for next time, always a goodness.

also also, the lake.

superpowers i had

i had the superpower of This Thing You Did Was Not Okay & I Will Tell You Why In Pretty Reasonable Tones, also Things Are Exploding But I Know What To Do About It, & lastly, Bugger Just Wading Into The Lake I'm'a Swim Across It In My Garb.

the plan

rest, unpack, laundry, rest, pack orders, ship stuff, rest, more laundry, unpack all the things
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