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Nov. 15th, 2001 10:55 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
eustaciavye77This may be my last post. It will certainly be my last post for some time
I started reading LJ because Wyndam had a journal here. Wyndam and I are no longer on speaking terms, at least for the next month or two and possibly for much longer. I no longer feel any need to keep a public record of my life with him not caring about reading it. It's not the way I would normally do things. My journals were always private before this, and I think I'd like to go back to my old methods.
Tonight I talked to my parents. I told them I was not going to NY for thanksgiving. I told them how I felt about them, that they made me feel uncomfortable and unwanted, and a failure. I told them I was poly as well. I am working on forming some sort of relationship with them again. I am trying to change what I can of my life so that I can move on. The first basic truth is that what I really need is a family, and I have to at least try to make me biological one work for me before I give up and look elsewhere. My parents were very supportive of me, and very apologetic for the pain they had caused me, and they didn't try to force me to go to their place for thanksgiving. They said they would call me, we could talk more, and they'd wait for me to say I was ready to see them.
Maybe someday I will even grow to love them again. Maybe this time around they will really be parents to me.
In the meantime, little can be gained by documenting my life in the drama that is live journal. I'll keep this around for a while so everyone gets the chance to read this and doesn't get freaked out, but after that it is very possible that this journal will get deleted altogether.
I need to be me again, and having this journal prevents that.
I started reading LJ because Wyndam had a journal here. Wyndam and I are no longer on speaking terms, at least for the next month or two and possibly for much longer. I no longer feel any need to keep a public record of my life with him not caring about reading it. It's not the way I would normally do things. My journals were always private before this, and I think I'd like to go back to my old methods.
Tonight I talked to my parents. I told them I was not going to NY for thanksgiving. I told them how I felt about them, that they made me feel uncomfortable and unwanted, and a failure. I told them I was poly as well. I am working on forming some sort of relationship with them again. I am trying to change what I can of my life so that I can move on. The first basic truth is that what I really need is a family, and I have to at least try to make me biological one work for me before I give up and look elsewhere. My parents were very supportive of me, and very apologetic for the pain they had caused me, and they didn't try to force me to go to their place for thanksgiving. They said they would call me, we could talk more, and they'd wait for me to say I was ready to see them.
Maybe someday I will even grow to love them again. Maybe this time around they will really be parents to me.
In the meantime, little can be gained by documenting my life in the drama that is live journal. I'll keep this around for a while so everyone gets the chance to read this and doesn't get freaked out, but after that it is very possible that this journal will get deleted altogether.
I need to be me again, and having this journal prevents that.
