Giving my eyes a break
Feb. 2nd, 2001 11:06 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
eustaciavye77I'm on shift at work today my first 8 to 12 shift. It isn't as bad as I thought it would be. Granted waking up at 6:30 am every friday doesn't thrill me, but I have gotten a lot of reading done while here since there are few people with technical problems at this hour of the morning (the lab is much busier after 12), and I'll have time to nap later.
I made an important decision. Every semester the computer lab where I work needs to be staffed during vacations and holidays. Since I live here, I tend to take those hours. I signed up for time over my winter break, I think I worked 50 hours during break at various points. I was going to take some hours during spring break, presidents day, and on another Monday when we have no classes. I have made what I think is a very wise decision to actually TAKE MY VACATION DAYS AS VACATION. Granted I could probably use the cash and I could make enough money with an extra day of work to chop $50 off what my parents send me that month, but in the realm of my parents $50 is negligible. In the realm of my psyche, one free day is pretty damn useful. I'm already working about twice as much this semester as I did last semester. Between the increased work hours, my internship search taking up pretty much all my free time, and the 500 pages of reading a week this semester, I think I deserve to spend spring break doing vacationy things instead of locked up in this lab all day. So someone else will have to be the poor sod that spends all their free time in here.
In other good news, earlier this week I had typed up a short essay on the lab desk computer, and accidentally saved the file to the hard drive instead of my zip disk. I spent the last 3 days praying the file would still be here today. It was, and I have copied it to my zip disk so I won't need to rewrite it.
Have I mentioned that I love my school? I feel like a neurotic incompetant mess most of the time, and if left to sit and think about it at home, I'll swear up and down that there is no way I can possibly do the work I am trying to do. But when I am in class, or have just come from class, or from training group (which I guess is technically class) I feel like I know what I am doing. Plus it is nice to hear my professor who has been in practice for 30 years comment that he often finds him self saying "who do I think I am, claiming i can help these people?"
Competance is a wierd subject for me. As much as I recognize that all my classmates have their emotional turmoil and weaknesses, I tend to see them as being capable of becoming counselors. Because I actually witness my own breakdowns, I tend to view the competant me that comes out in school as being false, and the neurotic mess as being "the real me" and I worry that I am only getting through this program by putting on a good fake act. Sometimes I wish that I could spend all my waking hours in the classroom or doing actual counseling so that I could stop feeling like a clueless wreck so much of the time. But eventually (I hope) I'll get to a point where I can hold the opposing truths of being a mess and being competant simultaneously (geez, I already talk like a therapist and this is only my second semester)
I made an important decision. Every semester the computer lab where I work needs to be staffed during vacations and holidays. Since I live here, I tend to take those hours. I signed up for time over my winter break, I think I worked 50 hours during break at various points. I was going to take some hours during spring break, presidents day, and on another Monday when we have no classes. I have made what I think is a very wise decision to actually TAKE MY VACATION DAYS AS VACATION. Granted I could probably use the cash and I could make enough money with an extra day of work to chop $50 off what my parents send me that month, but in the realm of my parents $50 is negligible. In the realm of my psyche, one free day is pretty damn useful. I'm already working about twice as much this semester as I did last semester. Between the increased work hours, my internship search taking up pretty much all my free time, and the 500 pages of reading a week this semester, I think I deserve to spend spring break doing vacationy things instead of locked up in this lab all day. So someone else will have to be the poor sod that spends all their free time in here.
In other good news, earlier this week I had typed up a short essay on the lab desk computer, and accidentally saved the file to the hard drive instead of my zip disk. I spent the last 3 days praying the file would still be here today. It was, and I have copied it to my zip disk so I won't need to rewrite it.
Have I mentioned that I love my school? I feel like a neurotic incompetant mess most of the time, and if left to sit and think about it at home, I'll swear up and down that there is no way I can possibly do the work I am trying to do. But when I am in class, or have just come from class, or from training group (which I guess is technically class) I feel like I know what I am doing. Plus it is nice to hear my professor who has been in practice for 30 years comment that he often finds him self saying "who do I think I am, claiming i can help these people?"
Competance is a wierd subject for me. As much as I recognize that all my classmates have their emotional turmoil and weaknesses, I tend to see them as being capable of becoming counselors. Because I actually witness my own breakdowns, I tend to view the competant me that comes out in school as being false, and the neurotic mess as being "the real me" and I worry that I am only getting through this program by putting on a good fake act. Sometimes I wish that I could spend all my waking hours in the classroom or doing actual counseling so that I could stop feeling like a clueless wreck so much of the time. But eventually (I hope) I'll get to a point where I can hold the opposing truths of being a mess and being competant simultaneously (geez, I already talk like a therapist and this is only my second semester)
